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5 Toughest Questions Women Ask - and the Answers

Here are answers to 5 of the toughest questions women ask........

There are five things that women should never, ever ask a guy,
according to an article in last April's issue of Sassy magazine.

The five questions are:
1 -  "What are you thinking?"
2 -  "Do you love me?"
3 -  "Do I look fat?"
4 -  "Do you think she is prettier than me?"
5 -  "What would you do if I died?"

What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to
explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answer
properly, which is to say dishonestly.  For example:

1 -  "What are you thinking?"  The proper answer to this question, of
course is, "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear.  I was just
reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent,
beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you."
Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy
was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of five 
things:
a -  Baseball
b -  Football
c -  How fat you are.
d -  How much prettier she is than you.
e -  How he would spend the insurance money if you died.

According to the Sassy article, the best answer to this stupid question
came from Al Bundy, of Married With Children, who was asked it by his
wife, Peg.
"If I wanted you to know," Al said, "I'd be talking instead of thinking."

The other questions also have only one right answer but many wrong 
answers:

2 -  "Do you love me?"  The correct answer to this question is, "Yes."  
For those guys who feel the need to be more elaborate, you may answer,
"Yes, dear.  Wrong answers include:
a -  I suppose so.
b -  Would it make you feel better if I said yes.
c -  That depends on what you mean by "love".
d -  Does it matter?
e -  Who, me?

3 -  "Do I look fat?"  The correct male response to this question is to
confidently and emphatically state, "No, of course not" and then
quickly leave the room.  Wrong answers include:
a -  I wouldn't call you fat, but I wouldn't call you thin either.
b -  Compared to what?
c -  A little extra weight looks good on you.
d -  I've seen fatter.
e -  Could you repeat the question?  I was thinking about your insurance
     policy.

4 -  "Do you think she's prettier than me?"  The "she" in the question
could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were starring at so hard
thay you almost cause a traffic accident or an actress in a movie you
just saw.  In any case, the correct response is, "No, you are much
prettier."  Wrong answers include:
a -  Not prettier, just pretty in a different way.
b -  I don't know how one goes about rating such things.
c -  Yes, but I bet you have a better personality.
d -  Only in the sense that she's younger and thinner.
e -  Could you repeat the question?  I was thinking about your insurance
policy.

5 -  "What would you do if I died?"  Correct answer:  "Dearest love, in
the event of your untimely demise, life would cease to have meaning for
me and I would perforce hurl myself under the front tires of the first
Domino's Pizza truck that came my way."

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